Turducken: The Reason for the Season.

~Edd

Ah, Turducken: The meal, the myth, the legend. A turkey, stuffed with a duck, stuffed with a chicken. Rarely is humanity's victory and mastery over nature so clearly depicted. The hubris of it!  Last year we bought one, and it was delicious, but we wanted more. We needed to make one! I know what you're thinking: This post should've come before Thanksgiving so we can emulate you and your Meta-fowl escapades! Sorry, we were busy making a franken-bird.

*Disclaimer* If you're not a cook, but want to experience this marvel of culinary engineering, you can purchase them online and have them shipped. Occasionally you can find them around this time of year in grocery stores, also. A turducken roll is a few pounds of stuffed breast meat(s) and will typically run you about $40. Whole birds can easily be more than $100.

We were at Aldi, as most good stories start.
Rob and Riss looked at turkeys, along with the cart.
I have a deficit of attention, it's not something I've chosen,
So away I wandered, over to food that is frozen.
And what did I see with my little eye?
Cornish hens and whole ducks that were piled quite high!
The lightbulb went off. This idea was the best!
We'll make a turducken for our Friendsgiving Fest!
With a gobble, a cluck, and one mighty quack!
$35 later, we had our Turducken starter-pack.

When you cook this rare beast, one thing, it is known
The first thing to do is remove all the bones.
Riss and I took turns mangling the fowl.
Then rebuilding our monstrosity, with stuffing and trowel.
A small Cornish Hen is the bird we first cut
Mistakes here don't matter, since it's deep in the gut.
The duck lost her bones, as well as her skin.
Duck skin is too greasy to leave it within.
Then on to the gobbler, the largest of our birds.
The reality of this dish was becoming absurd.

Our stuffing was easy, simply sausage, onion, bread crumb,
Plus one handful of sage, measured pinky to thumb.
Mixed in a bowl, with a dash of broth for wetness.
This went between the layers of our meaty greatness.
Then once it was full, we stitched it back up!
This epic mountain of bird, it surely was stuffed!
Riss saw it was nude, a risk that can't be taken.
So she made it a bikini made entirely of bacon.
Between all the birds, we had so much gravy.
Why just thinking of it, makes my brain kind've hazy.

Bacon Bikinis: Because anything less would be lewd.

We went out drinking on Friendsgiving eve.
Returning at 2, which was great timing indeed.
Straight to the oven went our feast of Turducken,
Where it was all but ignored, for we were quite drunken.
No brining, no basting, no tending did it get.
But that's not a problem, the inside was still wet.
Sausage stuffing and duck are both a touch greasy,
Which means keeping the meat moist is really quite easy!
Just 200 degrees, for nearly 12 hours.
And when it was eaten, guests said we had powers!

So that is the story of our Friendsgiving Feast!
For questions and details, leave comments at least.