Movie Pass – or — How I learned to stop worrying and love the big screen

I’ve never been a big movie theater guy, but I think that’s because I’m cheap. It costs over $10 for your ticket, or you go in the middle of the day for $7 or so. Then, god forbid you want to snack. A popcorn and soda will set you back roughly the same as a nice 4th floor walk-up in Manhattan for the month. But that’s ok, because they have combos, which include the paper-work for the obligatory 2nd mortgage on that same Manhattan Apartment.

But a company called Movie Pass is starting to change that. Has anyone heard of this magic? If not, look it up. I’ll wait……

Before I dive into how it works and my "review" of it, I want to wax poetical for a bit.With the ability to see movies the way they’re “meant to be seen” as the movie hipsters say, I’m finding out why people like the theater experience, or at least why we do. Riss and I talked about it, when you watch a movie on the couch at home, there are distractions: I’m cooking (or ordering in because I’m a lazy piece of garbage), I’m on my phone, texting Tinderellas, people are talking, I have to have the captions on just to understand what the living hell is going on, the cats are jumping on me or spazzing out. In the theater, there is none of that. I’m off my phone for 2 hours, paying attention. People (usually) are quiet and still, but there is still the energy of other people. You laugh at things you wouldn’t have otherwise, you jump at scares you would’ve been bored by at home, the collective emotion of the room is like an extension of the movie itself. And the sound! That seat shaking, pace-maker stopping bass that only the freaking dolby speakers the size of a small refrigerator can produce. This is it. This is why people go. And now my cheap ass can go too! I can feel like one of the greedy capitalist fat-cats. King in the castle, bitches. King in the castle.

Pictured: Nobody on their damn phones

Basically, it’s like Netflix for Theaters. The way it works is this: you sign up either through the app or the website. At the time of writing this it was $9.99/month, and you can pay monthly or pre-pay a full year. Once you’ve signed up, they mail you a debit card. Once that arrive, you use the app to “check-in” to a certain movie at a certain theater at a certain time. They put the money on the debit card, and you buy the ticket like normal. 

If ONLY getting up to $300 of movies a month for $10 isn’t enough for you, you greedy capitalist pig-dog, you can also sign up for rewards cards for the different theaters. Signing up for the Regal Crown Club for instance, I automatically got a free popcorn. You can earn things like free concessions, free movie swag, and sweepstakes. It’s basically free points! One of the coolest things I saw was over the glasses 3-D glasses. I hate 3-D movies because wearing glasses OVER my glasses is stupid and gives me a headache, so that’ll be a cool thing to get.

There are only a few stipulations with the program.

1. You can’t do IMAX and you can’t do 3-D, but I don’t care about that stuff anyway (There goes my awesome 3-D clip-ons! Damn you, cruel fate!). 
2. It only works at certain theaters. My city has 3 movie theaters, and they all participate, so that’s not a big deal, but you probably can’t do the late-night kung-fu theater in that shady part of town. 
3. You can only check in if you’re within 100 yards of the theater. Oh no! I have to go to the theater to buy the ticket for the movie I want to see… at that theater…. Ok, whatever. Wait, does that mean I have to talk to the cashier? Fuck no, it’s 2018! Most places have kiosks! The future is NOW! 



Pictured: The sweet, anti-social future!

4. That’s literally it.

As I said, I’ve used it twice in the few weeks I’ve had it. Each time it’s been a simple and straightforward process. Not to mention, theaters are really starting to up their game with reclining chairs and creature comforts like full bars. For $10 a month, I can do that. I can see the movies the way they are meant to be seen. I can be an opening weekend kinda guy, provided they aren't sold out when i get to the window.