The meaning of X-mas

~Edd

It’s the most wonderful time of the year, with the kids jingle belling and everyone telling you, “Be of good cheer!” It’s the most wonderful time of the year….. Bah….

I’m not the biggest fan of Christmas. Hell, If it weren’t for the joyful nostalgia, and the fact getting called a “Grinch” every two seconds is MOST annoying thing on planet Earth, few would be.  It’s an overly-commercialized lump of coal, shamelessly plagiarizing pagan solstice rituals with a thin veil of vaguely religious undertones. The stress of holiday traffic, braving the stores, hoping your gift doesn’t suck (and that you’ve remembered everyone on your “list”), spending time with families, the COLD. Jesus it’s no wonder the holiday season has the highest depression and suicide rates of the whole year!

The above has been my Christmas experience. I’m a Scrooge, a Grinch, a Humbug, whatever you want to call me. I figured this would continue into the future, but this year was different. Let’s talk about it. During the wedding, I met Rob’s parents. Parents like me, that’s not unusual. I’m a good mix of witty and respectful, and I match dad-jokes and (nearly) always side with the parents in good-natured razzing of their child. Cool. This time was a little extreme, however. Within 72 hours of meeting them, Rob’s Dad brought me up—during Rob’s wedding—to dance with Rob and his Mom, during the mother/son dance. I did not ask for, joke about, or provoke this in any conscious way. I was just as surprised as anyone else when I got up there. After that, they called me son. I called them “mom” and “dad” respectively, and they whole-heartedly invited me for Christmas, with “the family.” It was a Kodak moment, to be sure. I didn’t think they were serious; they were very serious.

Riss and I went with Rob up to Cleveland for Christmas. We’ll post about the details of the trip in a different post, but I want to touch on a few things. This was my time ever in Ohio, so I had no idea what to expect, except cold. I knew it would be damn cold on Christmas in Cleveland.

I was welcomed with hugs and cheek kisses the same as Rob. They doted on me and cooked for me and treated me like family. Christmas eve was a small family Christmas with White Elephant for the nuclear family and aunts/cousins, a group of maybe 12. After they left, it was just us and we opened presents. Between Riss and Mom, I had just as many as anyone else. The gifts were heartfelt and wonderful. When I was growing up I remember getting a box of books. My mother told me, “I know you like to read, so I got you the biggest books I could find!” Now, I know her heart was in the right place, but these books were not from the same author, genre, anything. I recall one was a horticulture text book. No, this was different, these gifts were special to the person, and you could tell actual thought and effort went into them.

It snowed that day, and stuck, and was light and fluffy and wonderful. I had never had a white Christmas before. I’ve been in Chicago for 2 different Christmases, and New York in the middle of December, but I’ve never seen real snow. It was wonderful.  

Christmas day we went to Rob’s aunt’s house for the big family Christmas. There was food and drink and basketball. I chatted at length with family members I’d never met, and they treated me like one of the gang. Everyone that met me just accepted that I was there. Now I want to be clear this was not an “island of misfit toys” situation with everyone trying a stray and that’s normal. No, I was the only one not married or related, but it didn’t matter.

Aside from Christmas proper, mom and dad asked me embarrassing questions about my love life, about my hopes and dreams, about how I was feeling and what I thought. We got into an awkward conversation about religion. It was so different from what I’m used to. They seemed annoyed that I was on my laptop for the first day. In my experience, that’s what “family time” is: everyone staring at their respective screens, with the TV going, nobody speaking to each other, except to frequently ask a question about whatever movie is playing because they weren’t paying attention to that either. We played board cards. Mom put together a “prize board” with 15 envelopes with mystery prizes in them. This means we played at least 15 games over the course of the week.

I cried. This was what people remembered about Christmas. This is what the people “miss” when they grow up, and what everyone wants to recreate or rekindle with the family they make. This was what, at 31 years old, I finally understood.

In 2018 I’ve been to Spain and Paris. I’ve been in 2 weddings with great friends. I’ve been promoted and quit from a successful company. But all of that paled in comparison to the feels I got that week. It really was the most wonderful time of the year. Now as I head into 2018, I wonder how I’ll feel next year when it’s time for Christmas lights and wassel and all that bullshit. I’ll probably still hate the traffic, but I’ll have a new nostalgia to tap into. Wish me luck.

St Augustine: America's Oldest City

~Edd

During the sad sack that was my ill-fated trip to Pensacola, Riss was already planning our next stop. To get to Pensacola, FL from Wilmington, NC you have two options: Atlanta or Jacksonville, FL. On the way down we took Atlanta, and so we chose the Jacksonville route for our glorious return. For Riss’s honeymoon, her and Rob had gone to St. Augustine, which is a scant 30 miles south of—you guessed it—Jacksonville. Riss was pretty sure that I’d love the place, too, so she was determined to take me. Since I had turned down the job, was still unemployed, and honestly could use some cheering up, I agreed.

In order to maximize our St. Augustine time, we left Pensacola at 3AM after a super solid nap. On the way, we stopped at an all-night Whataburger. In college, I had a friend from south Georgia that told tales of Whataburger. When passing the sign, I remembered these stories, and knew that my time had come. For anyone that has never had or heard of Whataburger, do yourself a favor and go. I had a chorizo cheeseburger, Riss had a pretty dope patty melt, and they were both glorious!

We got into St Augustine at about 9:30AM. Sadly, hotel check-ins aren’t until 2PM, but the Old Town Trolley Tours start running at 9! Old Town runs a hop on/hop off route around the town, with new trolleys coming by every 15 minutes. We rode the entire route first, then hopped off at some of the stops we enjoyed the most, including a *FREE* tour and tasting at St Augustine Distillery. We also ate lunch at Prohibition Kitchen, a speak-easy style place with a fantastic grilled cheese and even better milkshakes (pro tip: get the
one with the booze.)

Stuffed and entertained, it was finally time to check into our hotel: The Ponce. They’re currently renovating, but that didn’t affect the room or the view, and it cut the rate way down. Midday naps are boss!

We woke up right before sundown. Riss wanted to see the Nights of Lights that Old Town does around Christmas. According to National Geographic, St. Augustine is one of the top 10 places to see holiday lights in the whole damn world. Source.  After doing the tour, I can see why. They even gave us glasses that refract the light and make the individual lights look like snowflakes. I’m a self-
proclaimed Grinch. Christmas isn’t really my bag, but sitting in the trolley, in 60-degree weather, seeing this already beautiful city lit up, that shit was magical. I’d say my heart grew three sizes that day, but I’m still a right bastard, so let’s not get ahead of ourselves. 

After getting off the light tour, we walked the 4 blocks back to the distillery. Upstairs from the distillery is the Ice Plant Bar and restaurant. We sat next to this incredibly memorable guy and his incredibly forgettable girlfriend. She was not impressed with his joie de vivre. We were impressed, both with his lust for life AND with the food, all farm-to-table super bourgeois and delicious. The cocktails are made with the liquor from the distillery. All-in-all, this is a good place and a great atmosphere.


We took an uber back to the hotel, slept well, and left the next morning after check-out. It was right at 24 hours that we spent in St Augustine, but the city left a very positive and lasting impression on me. I’ll definitely be back. I may even like Christmas lights, but just a little.

Slay, Santa, Slay!

~Riss

I love Christmas themed events. I have a whole bin dedicated to Christmas costumes: ugly sweaters, Santa hats, and elf ears galore. One event in particular has brought a smile to my face for the last few years: Santacon! If you have never been to a Santacon, then you are definitely missing out. Held in cities all over the world, 1,000s of drunk Santas take to the streets to sing, party, and confuse the hell out of normal people. The all-day bar crawls are not to be missed!

This year we joined the Virginia Beach Santacon for the second time. The organizers do a great job with updates and getting everyone hyped in the weeks leading up. There were 6 participating bars along the beach so plenty of options for the hoard of Santas. There were drink specials, karaoke, and even an after party with a performance by DJ Kool. This had everything a Santa could want. This event was free, as are most official Santacons, but there is usually a toy drive or food drive to start out the day, so don't forget to support the cause! Your donation helps offset how annoying you will inevitably be to sober people as the day goes on.

Now, Santacon is not for people who hate crowds. You have to get pretty cozy with your fellow Santas to make it to the bar to get a drink but that's a great chance to get to know the other crawlers.

Normally I am the more understated of my group, but this year I decided to go all out. I had my Jessica Rabbit sparkle gown left over from Halloween, and I'm never one to pass up a good outfit opportunity. So I pinned some fur on that bitch and I was instantly transformed into a Christmas queen. Wearing a full length gown to a giant bar crawl is a bit of a commitment but it's also a great conversation starter. From the first bar people asked for pics and throughout the day "Slay Santa, slay!" was yelled at me by other friendly and overly enthusiastic Santas.

While the gown required a bit of extra effort to get around I think I'll keep the costume at the top of my list. Whether it's a naughty or nice list has yet to be determined.

Pensacola: The Good, The Bad, and the Terribly Depressing

~Edd

I’m currently unemployed. It’s okay, I have savings—and an ever-growing sense of doom—and I’m taking the time to find a job that’s a right fit for the lifestyle I want to live. That’s incredibly hard, and yet more accessible than ever, these days. Over thanksgiving I was talking to my parents and my father said that the company he works for was looking for construction project managers. That’s pretty convenient, as I have an MBA in project management and a background in construction. The only catch is that the company is based out of Florida, so the vast majority of their jobs are down there.

Here’s the thing: I worked construction throughout college, and the two or so years following graduation. I had to move 6 times in two and half years, following the jobs the company sent me to. I had to start over, both professionally and socially, every single time. Nobody knew me, often not even my coworkers on the new projects. Since I changed paths I’ve put down roots, made friends, and come to love a place for the first time in nearly a decade. Am I ready to give that up for a job? The only way to know for sure was to go down and meet with them, see the area, and make my decision from there.

Pensacola ladies and gents

Pensacola, FL is 11 hours from Wilmington, NC. Riss offered to go with me, both to keep me company during the drive, and because she’d never been to Pensacola either and said “why the hell not?” The drive was just as long and boring as you can imagine. During the drive I’m thinking about making this drive regularly, and by myself. Both Pensacola and Wilmington are very small airports, so flights to/from start at over $400. My anxiety was mounting as we drove through Atlanta and down through Alabama, finally ending up at the very end of the panhandle at the self-proclaimed “Redneck Riviera.” My heart was all aflutter.

My father is working the same job site that I was supposed to meet with people, so I saved some money by just staying with him. My father can’t be called a “social butterfly” anything but sarcastically, but the place he’s staying takes the cake. As we’re pulling up Riss says, “It’s a good thing I already know you, because this driveway just screams ‘I’m going to murder you and nobody will ever know.’” Down there dad stays about 30 minutes outside
downtown Pensacola, in a—no lie—three bedroom, two bath house with 34 acres and 3 livings rooms. By himself. With no furniture. There was an 80’s style dining room table, his lazy-boy, a TV, and a bed. His alarm clock resides on a cardboard box next to his bed. Instead of curtains, he strung up blue tarps over the wall of windows in his bedroom because “the light was bothering him.”  To say it’s a bachelor pad does a disservice to self-respecting bachelors that don’t want to eat people. It was one newspaper-clipping-wall away from the lair the cops find in a CSI episode.

Pictured: The 11 hour snub

I went to talk to them the next morning. Everything had been arranged the week prior, and even my father had reminded them Friday before everyone left. I show up at the job site, find the poorly labeled office trailer and head inside. It’s empty, save for one guy who has no idea what I’m talking about. Great. Turns out the guy I was supposed to meet is in TEXAS and the 2^nd in command is in meetings nearly all day. Even better. I then do what anyone who drove eleven hours to get stood up at a job interview would do: I grabbed Riss and went to get brunch. Brunch was decent at The Ruby Slipper, a New Orleans style chain place that I’d never heard of with decent benedicts and overpriced, but strong, mimosas. I make some phone calls and leave some voicemails, and decide to use the time to explore the city.

The highlight of the trip was the Naval Air Museum, which is free and a really great place to visit. I could probably make an entire post just about it, but for now I’ll say that they have flight simulators, 4D movies, and planes from the invention of flight to now. I knew a surprising amount about the various planes. (Almost all my knowledge comes from video games. Who says they can’t make you smarter?) I’m sure I was entertaining to watch as I reached rain-man levels of knowledge about the various WWII crafts, forcing Riss to take my picture with several of them. On the way out I finally got a return call from the 2^nd in command and set up a time to meet him later that day.

In an effort at brevity, I turned down the job. Pensacola is not a place I see myself living for a year. It’s too far from the people I love. It would be starting over again, professionally and personally. After a year in Pensacola, I would be made to move to the next job, wherever that may be. I would have no “home base.” I’m a traveler. I love to see new things, live like the locals, and experience everything the world has to offer… But I need my “home base.” I know that Wilmington is a transition place, I seriously doubt I’ll be here forever, but the time to leave has not yet come.

I was talking to dad about this later that night. He said he understood, and that at the end of the day I need to do what makes me happy. I asked him during the conversation, “if you could go back and do it again, knowing what you know now, what would you do?” You know what his answer was? “I don’t know. I’ve never really thought about it.” I was confused. I pressed, “Well what did you want to do growing up?” He said, “I never knew anything else.” My dad is one of the most intelligent people I’ve met, and not because he’s my dad. He’s also hard working, honest, and dependable. He also has never had a dream. He’s old enough to join AARP, and he’s never had lofty goals, passions, something to strive towards. He’s a worker ant, droning on in a job that I know makes him miserable, because “that’s all he knows.” I cried that night. Riss asked me the last time I saw him get excited or hopeful about something. I have a 2^nd-hand story of him being excited to take a photo with Goofy in Disney World, but that story is 2^nd-hand and from 1996. As far as hobbies, dad likes to work on the farm. He seems to actually enjoy the time he spends out with his tractor, but that's about it.

On the way back from Pensacola we took the southern route, up through Jacksonville, FL. St. Augustine is only 30 miles south, so we spent the night there. It was amazing, and went a long way towards cheering me up. St. Augustine will get its own post, soon.

This is not a “follow your dreams” bullshit call to action. That kind of Disney Princess, feel-good crap is why we are a generation of barely employable liberal arts majors with no skills, writing blogs in coffee shops hoping to get paid doing it. (Yes, I understand the irony of that statement, that’s why I made it.) This is saying, know what you’re worth. Have a dream. Know if that dream is just a pipe-dream, but have it anyway. A kid that’s only 5’1” and has no coordination is not going to be a professional basketball player. A person with no sense of timing or rhythm won’t be a drummer. Face reality, but find something that you love. Find something that makes you happy and fucking do it. Hobbies exist for a reason. Volunteer if you want to help people. Join meetup groups and find like-minded people and get out there and LIVE dammit.

Cleveland: Part 1

~Riss

I've always lived in the south. I've seen snow very few times and always in small amounts. I don't like the cold and the cold doesn't like me. I messed up and fell in love with a boy from Ohio. Then I messed up BIG and I married him, which means that my family has recently gotten bigger and NOW I have to head north for holidays. You know the holidays right, the cold part of the year? Our first visit up north was last year and a bit of a cluster. Rob did the "planning" and apparently his plan was to wing it. It did not go smoothly. Without a real plan, overall it was a rather dull trip. I did not leave with the best impression of Ohio, but I wanted to give it another shot. Robs family lives only 25 minutes outside of Cleveland (Don't ask me why we didn't go last time) and we decided to take full advantage of Cleveland on this trip.

We drove up the day before thanksgiving. Unfortunately this was peak holiday traffic so our 9 hour drive took about 12 hours. I was determined not to let this dampen my holiday spirit. Thanksgiving was a fun day of food and family, the usual. One of Robs family members offered us hockey tickets for the next day. It was in this city, so this seemed like a good focal point for our Cleveland exploration. Before that game, the only thing I knew about hockey was the Mighty Ducks, so it was a totally new experience for me.

West Side Market in all its glory!

After the game, we said goodbye to the parents and headed out on our own. We started at the West Side Market. The market was all one big hall, full of an eclectic group of people, selling all sorts of tasty goods. We stopped at a bakery and were overwhelmed with all the great choices available. We ended up getting three different items, just because we couldn't decide. After leaving the market to enjoy our treats, we explored the area for a while on foot. There were breweries and gastropubs galore. The area had a very old world meets hipster vibe to it. I couldn't decide on anything around us that I wanted to eat, there were so many choices. I had a craving for Asian food so I looked up the options in the area, thanks Google! There were fantastic reviews about a Korean BBQ place inside of the Asian plaza. We decided to give it a try. Its a couple miles away from the market, so we hopped in the car and were off.

Rob was unfamiliar with the area and our GPS seemed confused with the directions. 20 minutes and only 3 miles later, we finally arrived at a dimly lit gravel parking lot outside a large building. There were banners for several Asian business inside but the building itself was a little...ominous. We walked up the dark ramp to the automatic d
oors and walked through not really knowing what to expect. Waiting inside was a very pleasant surprise. There was a large Asian market and numerous businesses downstairs and a large staircase leading to our restaurant. We were seated and ordered a hot pot and entree to split. Our food came out and covered the entire table. The smell filled the booth.

The restaurant filled up around us during our meal and when we left the other side of the parking lot was bow lit which added a lot of comedy to our arrival concerns. After dinner we stopped for a Great Lakes Christmas Ale which is a fantastic seasonal from the Great Lakes Brewing company. We called it a night kinda early, but I would definitely count it as a successful date night.

Our final day of the holiday break started with some holiday shopping. We are planning a cold Christmas trip (yippee...) so I needed some real shoes for the journey. I'm from Georgia, and I live in coastal North Carolina, so I don't own winter shoes. My dumb ass will happily wear flip flops for 90% of the year. I felt like a child learning how to keep warm in colder temps. I eventually settled on a pair of boots and even though I may not be mentally ready for the cold I am at least one step closer to being physically ready.

After a little family-time we all head out to pick out a Christmas tree from a local lot and then head to Sokolowski's University Inn for dinner. It's a Polish place with a line around the building. I had never actually had Polish food before; so for the tenth time this trip, I'm not really sure what to expect. The line weaves all the way through the building once finally inside. There is a bar in the middle of the wait, which is convenient for making the hour-plus-wait bearable. We make it to the front of the line and the wait was definitely worth it. Periogis are magical little pouches of happiness and I am sad I just learned of their existence!

This time in Ohio was a polar opposite from my first visit. I set my expectations low, but now I'm excited to go back for Christmas. My to-do list is long and I think Cleveland has a lot more to show me. I'll be back for you, periogis!